What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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