my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
