Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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