He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
