I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
