She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
