she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
