I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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