He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
