my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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