I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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