i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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