yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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