why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
