Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
