Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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