All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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