DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
