I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
