U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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