I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
