It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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