we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
