I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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