Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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