I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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