She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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