I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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