Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
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