Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
