Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
