i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
