I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
