Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
