I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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