he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
