no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
