I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
