Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
