based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
When did angry sex become our thing?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
