My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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