Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
