Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
