i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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