eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
