Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
