The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
