"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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