they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
