I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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