don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
