Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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