So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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