I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
