You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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