I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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