Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
