The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
